According to acclaimed parenting author Jim Stenson, growth from birth to adulthood can be summarized in three distinct stages. Let’s take a look at the first two:
Childhood: “What can you do for me?”
A child’s world completely revolves around itself. The child himself is the centre of the universe. She believes that others exist to serve her needs and cater to her whims – whether that be “feed me”, “play with me”, or “entertain me”. We have all known young people who have, tragically, never advanced to the next stage, which is…
Adolescence: “I can do it for myself.”
This is the journey from dependence to independence. Unfortunately, many people have confused this with the final step, thinking this is the goal. It’s somewhat like my dad used to say to me (and maybe you heard this growing up, too): “My goal is to have you out of the house at 18 and on your own!” These days some parents are lucky if their kids move out by age 35, it seems.
But we still haven’t arrived at the goal because this 2nd stage, like the childhood stage, is still ultimately concerned with self. Childhood says, “What can you do for me?” while Adolescence says, “I can do it for – who? For myself”. Either way, the focus is still concern for self.
Many people, even as adults, remain trapped somewhere between these two stages. Tiger Woods is a great example of such a narcissistic soul. Professionally, he exhibits all the character traits in his job that one would want to see in his personal life: Determination. Hard work. Never quits. Perseverance. In this sense, Tiger is a lot like many adults we work with, who are our neighbors. Essentially, they are highly skilled barbarians. Professionally: mature, competent. Ethically: immature and incompetent. Monetarily: wealthy. Morally: bankrupt.
As a person Tiger is still not mature. At his press conference, one of the things he said was that he felt “entitled” to do the things he did. In other words, “The laws of morality don’t apply to me. Why? Because I’m me! I’m Tiger Woods!”
It may be easy to dismiss Tiger as an extreme case, but believe me, your kids, your Catholic teens, are prone to the same self-deception that befell Tiger. It may not manifest itself the same way, but trust me, it’s there.
Recently a Catholic school (which shall remain nameless) realized they had a bit of a problem on their hands. Teachers noticed that many students were exhibiting attitudes and behaviors that many found questionable – just the kinds of things you don’t want to see in the lives of your own kids.
Interviews were done with all of the families of these kids to find out what the problem was. They found that none of these kids’ problems were due to their family situations. In other words, the kids didn’t pick these vices up from home – they got it from the culture that we live in. They imbibed it from the society around their homes – TV, the internet, music, movies, media of all kinds – and from their friends.
They also found out that every single kid, every single case, had one thing in common. Do you know what it is? It surprised the heck out of the researchers. No matter whether the student was involved with violence, alcohol, drugs, sexual sins, materialism, you name it – all of them had one thing in common: a rejection of the created order. What? What does that mean? The root of all these kids’ problems was a rejection of creation.
Think about it. If I reject the created order, that means that I am rejecting the fact that there is a reality, there is an order – outside of myself – and that the only approach to life that makes sense is to try and find out what this reality is all about and try to conform my life to the way things actually are, not the way I want them to be.
To reject the created order of reality also means to reject the fact that there is a creator who came up with all of this creation – and that I am responsible to this creator. And this creator we call God.
But I don’t want to do that, because that would mean admitting that I’m not the center of the universe; that the universe really doesn’t revolve around me after all. That would involve me actually growing up. But grow up we must if we are to arrive at the final stage of growth from childhood, the goal of all parenting: adulthood. Because, again, we’re raising adults, not children.
Taylor “Marshalls” Evidence for the Catholic Paul
BlogLook for my full review in Catholic Insight magazine in early 2011, but let me give you a sneak peek at Paul from Taylor’s Perspective:
It has been said that Paul’s entire theology is an expansion upon the particular words of Christ pronounced to him on the road to Damascus: “Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me?” (Acts 26:14). With these words, Christ revealed that to persecute any of His disciples is to persecute Him. When Saul approved of the murder of Stephen, he had approved of the murder of Christ. When Saul imprisoned Christians, he had imprisoned Christ. From this intimate union between Christ and his disciples, Saint Paul extrapolated his entire theological system. Accordingly, Paul’s doctrine of the believer’s union with the person of Christ is the bedrock of Catholic theology because it presents salvation in terms of participation. Christ’s statement to Saul reveals that the Christian believer participates in the life of Christ. This is the center of Paul’s message. “So we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members of one another” (Rom 12:5). The epistles of Paul constantly and consistently resound with the phrase “in Christ” and “in him”. This phrase is more common than any other topic in the letters of Paul combined. This means that Paul discusses the believer’s participation in Christ more than justification, faith, works, law, or predestination. Union with Christ is the ubiquitous theme of Paul’s theology.
When we understand Christianity as a participation in Christ, we begin to read Paul’s epistles in a new light, or rather under the ancient light of the Church Fathers who lived before us. We find that the “old perspective on Paul” articulated by the Catholic Church had it correct all along. Saint Paul presents the Church, baptism, the Eucharist, marriage, faith, works, justification, sanctification, and regeneration as participations in the person and work of Christ…this interpretation confirms that Paul’s teachings are in fact the teachings of the Catholic Church.
Paul’s paradigm of “union with Christ” can be contrasted with what I call “zero-sum theology”. Let me boldly suggest that all theological misunderstandings regarding the Catholic faith can be attributed to the adoption of “zero-sum theology”. By “zero-sum theology”, I mean that theological framework that views salvation, grace, life, and love as a pie with only so many pieces. Christ either gets all pieces or loses the remaining pieces to Mary, saints, sacraments, priests, popes, etc. Naturally, Christ as God should receive all the pieces – not merely some of the pieces. He is the whole of salvation, right?
Of course, Christ is the whole. He is “all in all” as Saint Paul beautifully teaches (Eph 1:23). However, Catholics do not subscribe to a “zero-sum” approach to Christ. Rather than using a “zero-sum” model, Catholics use Saint Paul’s paradigm of participation. Christ is “all in all”, but this means that all other aspects of redemption participate in and through Christ – not apart from Christ. Catholics thus believe that the sacraments, Mary, saints, and priests participate in and through Christ, and thereby lead the Christian to embrace Christ more deeply.
This difference between Catholicism and Protestantism accounts for almost every doctrinal difference between Catholic theology and Protestant theology. Catholicism is framed by a doctrine of participation – Protestantism is generally framed by the zero-sum paradigm.
– Taylor Marshall, The Catholic Perspective on Paul, pp. 26-28
The Joy of Gaudete Sunday
BlogThe joy we feel on Gaudete Sunday stems from the fact that we are moving ever closer to celebrating the Nativity of the Lord – and we can’t contain this joy! It simply must overflow into the lives of others. Partaking in the apostolate of Confession can help that become a reality.
What is the apostolate of Confession? Many of us have friends and family members who have been away from God, the Church, and the sacraments for years. There is no better time than Advent for them to return to the Father’s house, as did the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32). In the Gospel account of Jesus healing a paralytic, we are told that his friends carried him to Jesus, lying on a mat. But because of the dense crowds surrounding the Master, they were unable to reach him. They resorted to digging a hole through the roof and lowering him down to Jesus! Not sure the homeowner was thrilled with the new skylight (it may have been Peter’s or even Jesus’ own house), but the text says: “When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, ‘Take heart, son, your sins are forgiven’” (Mark 2:5, emphasis mine). It took some ingenuity and effort for these men to get their friend to Jesus. Many of our friends are paralyzed in their interior life because of sin. We must find ways to bring them to Christ this Advent, so they can hear his word of forgiveness in the sacrament of Confession, and be set free to rejoice in the Lord.
McEvangelism and Coffeenerdness
BlogYou know what? I’ve got to tell you that McDonald’s coffee, these days, is pretty darn good! And, no, I am not getting paid to say that! It’s waaay more consistent of a brew than Tim Hortons (the ubiquitous Canadian coffee named after a hockey player – and, yes, it is spelled without an apostrophe – don’t ask) is these days. I swear, almost like New Coke, Tim Hortons has “changed the formula” of their product over the last four years. It’s wildly inconsistent, depending on which location you go to and the time of day you go there – but I don’t think anyone’s noticed because we’ve been so pavlonianly trained to keep coming back regardless. Okay, end of rant – and rabbit trail. File this one under what Peter King of Sports Illustrated calls “coffeenerdness”.
Now, a funny thing happened while we were having said coffee: the place was jam-packed with students from our local Catholic high school, St Augustine’s, who, apparently, had also heard about the free elixir and thought it worthwhile to skip class to line up for it. While I’m ordering mine, Kevin sits down and somehow gets into a discussion on the Church with a student named Matthew. I returned to find them discussing the Bible. It seems Matthew is a devout Evangelical (even though he attends a Catholic high school) who finds Catholic teaching “unbiblical”, and was also appalled by the irreligious lifestyles led by many of his ostensibly Catholic classmates. To the latter point: don’t judge a religion by those who clearly don’t practice it. Rather, judge it by the strength of the lives of those who clearly do – the saints. As G.K. Chesterton once said, “The Christian ideal has not been tried and found wanting; it has been found difficult and left untried.”
As for the first point, that Catholicism is “unbiblical”: Considering that the New Testament was written, and canonized by the Catholic Church, that can hardly be the case. Any discrepancies are only apparent, not real, and can be easily explained. Matthew had a ton of questions about these supposed problems, but, sadly, we didn’t have time to discuss them all. In a situation like this, its probably better, before dealing with less foundational issues, that we should seek to help people grasp a far more fundamental principle: Why do we believe the books that make up the Bible, especially the 27 books of the New Testament, are the infallible Word of God in the first place? The short answer is, “Because the Catholic Church says so”. It is she who collected and canonized those works, deeming them infallible. And we know from basic logic that an effect cannot be greater than its cause. For the Catholic Church to make such an infallible pronouncement, she herself must also be infallible.
I had hoped to discuss these things with Matthew at greater length. I gave him my contact info and he said that he would message me. So far he hasn’t. Matthew, if you happen to be reading this, let me say that I know that you really believe in Christ, and that you are sincere. I think that if you sincerely tale a look at the evidence, you will see that there is more than enough to show us that the Catholic Church is the Church that Jesus founded. It’s where he wants us to be, so we can get the “full meal deal” of the faith. If you ever want to talk about it some more, maybe we can grab another coffee at Mickey D’s. This one’s on me. The free coffee campaign may be over, but hopefully your investigation of things Catholic is not.
It’s Clement-Time
BlogClement, who, according to Tertullian, was the direct successor of St Peter as bishop of Rome, was the author of a document that has come to be known as 1 Clement (there is a 2 Clement, but it’s author is most likely someone else). This letter was written to the church in Corinth, where the properly ordained presbyters of the Church had been unlawfully deposed by the people.
Clement orders the people to repent and obey their rightful leaders, and warns them of the dire consequences should they refuse:
“But if certain persons should be disobedient unto the words spoken by Him through us, let them understand that they will entangle themselves in no slight transgression and danger” (1 Clement 59:1).
All of this is quite interesting, considering that at the time Clement wrote this (c. 96), the Apostle John himself was still living in Ephesus, a city much closer to Corinth than Rome. Rather than turn to a living apostle, the Corinthians turn to the successor of Peter to solve their problem.
Did Clement’s intervention work? You bet. Not only were things set right in Corinth, but Clement’s letter was read to the congregation right alongside scriptures like St. Paul’s Corinthian correspondence for generations. Although 1 Clement was not ultimately included in the New Testament canon, it still provides one good piece of evidence that Papal primacy was not a later accretion or invention, but rather an integral feature of the Church Jesus founded.
On the Feast of Christ the King
BlogJesus, the son of David, the rightful heir to the throne of the Kingdom of David (which in the Old Testament is called “The Kingdom of God”), also is a King who shares his flesh and blood with his people. Jesus does this, of course, not through natural descent and lineage, but by supernatural means: the Eucharist. In this way, we become part of the ultimate “Royal Family” (Who cares about the intrigues of Buckingham Palace!).
Jesus’ kingdom, unlike most, is not imposed from without, by means of force (consider the humility of the Passion), but rather proposed for consent from within. And to spread the reign of Christ in the hearts of others, we must first allow him to reign in our own, because the apostolate results from the overflow of our interior life.
One way we can do this is to receive the Eucharist more fruitfully. As St Thomas Aquinas wrote in his beautiful hymn Adoro Te Devote, one drop of the blood of Christ can free the entire world of all its’ sins.
There’s no lack of “power in the blood”, but some of us would rather remain king of our own lives than accede the throne to Christ. But when we do, when we receive our Eucharistic King and allow him to have more of us, as St John the Baptist did (“He must increase, I must decrease”), we will discover that Jesus makes us emissaries of the Kingdom. Like John, we can point others to Christ, even Christ in the Eucharist: “Look, the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of he world.”
EWTN’s “The Journey Home” with Marcus Grodi
BlogMarcus, a former Presbyterian pastor himself, is also the founder and President of The Coming Home Network International, an incredible service and support network for Protestant ministers (and others) who are considering or are already on the road home to the Catholic Church.
The interview should air this coming Spring of 2011…stay tuned!
Cale Clarke on “Perspectives”: The Full Episode!
BlogOK, gang, here it is! Enjoy!
Cale on Salt & Light TV this Friday!
BlogThis afternoon I was a guest on Salt & Light TV’s Perspectives: Weekly Edition program. The topic was social media’s impact on relationships. That’s me on the right, with host Pedro Guevara-Mann and fellow panelist Julie Abernethy from Aid to Women. The episode will air this Friday at 7:00 PM, and you can catch it in live streaming format at www.saltandlighttv.org!
Parenting Your Catholic Teen (Part 4 of 4)
BlogAdulthood: “What can I do for you?”
Maturity means concern for others. Looking outside oneself to the needs of others, starting with God. Jesus first, others second, yourself last. That’s actually the recipe for happiness in this world, as Jesus himself taught it. What is the kingdom of God all about? Jesus says it’s the Kingdom of Right Relationships. Having a right relationship with God, and a right relationship with others. “Love God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength, and love your neighbor as yourself”. Love God – Jesus first. Love others – “love your neighbor”. And love yourself, too – “love your neighbor as you love yourself “. Love yourself – you must. But in the third place, very much in the third place. It’s certainly not the most important thing.
This way of living is the path to true joy – in fact, it quite literally spells joy – Jesus first, Others second, Yourself last. J.O.Y.
It is this Christian adult maturity that we need to inculcate in our kids. Because what God is looking for from you as a parent is much different than what the rest of the world seeks. Other parents may care most about the letters at the end of their children’s names – M.D., M.B.A., PhD. But Catholic parents care most of all about the letters they hope come before their childrens’ names: St. Saint. For the goal of Catholic parenting is that your child become a saint. Who are the saints? The word saint is from the Greek word “hagios”, which means “the holy ones.” And what does it mean to become holy? Does it mean being weird, floating on a cloud? No. Being a holy person just means being the best version of yourself. The person you were created to be. The Bible says, “Without holiness no one will see the Lord” (Hebrews 13). If we want them to get to heaven, if we ant them to see Jesus, they must become saints. And so must we.
This is the goal of our lives and the most important role of Catholic parents. It’s what you solemnly promised before God at your own wedding. Part of the wedding vow in the Catholic Church is: “Will you accept children as a gift from God, and will you raise them according to the laws of Christ and his Church?” will you do your part to help them grow in the faith and strive for sainthood? You reiterated that promise before God at your child’s baptism. And we will answer to God for how we did that on the last day.
Most of all, I want to tell you, as parents, never to give up. Never, never give up on your kids. They are not perfect, and they will make mistakes. Sometimes that’s not a bad thing, because some of the best learning experiences come through making mistakes.
But they need to know that you love them, as persons, unconditionally. You must “love the sinner, hate the sin.” Never stop modeling a life of Catholic integrity for them. And when they get lost in the crumbling and collapsing debris of our disintegrating culture, never stop looking for them to help dig them out. We have a heavenly Father who has never given up on any of us, although we’ve given him plenty of reasons to. He never gives up on us. Like him, let’s not ever, even for a moment, give up on our kids. Let’s help them to be exactly who God has created them to be: saints.
Parenting Your Catholic Teen (Part 3)
BlogChildhood: “What can you do for me?”
A child’s world completely revolves around itself. The child himself is the centre of the universe. She believes that others exist to serve her needs and cater to her whims – whether that be “feed me”, “play with me”, or “entertain me”. We have all known young people who have, tragically, never advanced to the next stage, which is…
Adolescence: “I can do it for myself.”
This is the journey from dependence to independence. Unfortunately, many people have confused this with the final step, thinking this is the goal. It’s somewhat like my dad used to say to me (and maybe you heard this growing up, too): “My goal is to have you out of the house at 18 and on your own!” These days some parents are lucky if their kids move out by age 35, it seems.
But we still haven’t arrived at the goal because this 2nd stage, like the childhood stage, is still ultimately concerned with self. Childhood says, “What can you do for me?” while Adolescence says, “I can do it for – who? For myself”. Either way, the focus is still concern for self.
Many people, even as adults, remain trapped somewhere between these two stages. Tiger Woods is a great example of such a narcissistic soul. Professionally, he exhibits all the character traits in his job that one would want to see in his personal life: Determination. Hard work. Never quits. Perseverance. In this sense, Tiger is a lot like many adults we work with, who are our neighbors. Essentially, they are highly skilled barbarians. Professionally: mature, competent. Ethically: immature and incompetent. Monetarily: wealthy. Morally: bankrupt.
As a person Tiger is still not mature. At his press conference, one of the things he said was that he felt “entitled” to do the things he did. In other words, “The laws of morality don’t apply to me. Why? Because I’m me! I’m Tiger Woods!”
It may be easy to dismiss Tiger as an extreme case, but believe me, your kids, your Catholic teens, are prone to the same self-deception that befell Tiger. It may not manifest itself the same way, but trust me, it’s there.
Recently a Catholic school (which shall remain nameless) realized they had a bit of a problem on their hands. Teachers noticed that many students were exhibiting attitudes and behaviors that many found questionable – just the kinds of things you don’t want to see in the lives of your own kids.
Interviews were done with all of the families of these kids to find out what the problem was. They found that none of these kids’ problems were due to their family situations. In other words, the kids didn’t pick these vices up from home – they got it from the culture that we live in. They imbibed it from the society around their homes – TV, the internet, music, movies, media of all kinds – and from their friends.
They also found out that every single kid, every single case, had one thing in common. Do you know what it is? It surprised the heck out of the researchers. No matter whether the student was involved with violence, alcohol, drugs, sexual sins, materialism, you name it – all of them had one thing in common: a rejection of the created order. What? What does that mean? The root of all these kids’ problems was a rejection of creation.
Think about it. If I reject the created order, that means that I am rejecting the fact that there is a reality, there is an order – outside of myself – and that the only approach to life that makes sense is to try and find out what this reality is all about and try to conform my life to the way things actually are, not the way I want them to be.
To reject the created order of reality also means to reject the fact that there is a creator who came up with all of this creation – and that I am responsible to this creator. And this creator we call God.
But I don’t want to do that, because that would mean admitting that I’m not the center of the universe; that the universe really doesn’t revolve around me after all. That would involve me actually growing up. But grow up we must if we are to arrive at the final stage of growth from childhood, the goal of all parenting: adulthood. Because, again, we’re raising adults, not children.